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Ricky Blue's Other Life
Ricky Blue
Ricky Blue
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is a Montreal-based humorist, singer, and writer. He and partner George Bowser are the famous Bowser and Blue comedy act. Here's his bio from their Bowser and Blue website.

Ricky Blue was born in Liverpool, England, but raised in Maine, New Jersey, and Toronto. He has an MA in English from Concordia University. He has been involved in bands and media music in Montreal for over twenty years. In 1981 he won an international 'Clio' award for excellence in advertising.

He once appeared on television naked.

His life had no real meaning, however, until he began to play with Bowser and Blue. Rick plays guitar, mandolin, and harmonica, and sings in a rather pleasant baritone when George will let him.

His columns are archived here

Posted 02.06.03

RICKY BLUE

Let's hear it for SUVs

I love a good crackpot theory. And this one is too good to keep to myself. It gives new meaning to the phrase: thinking outside the box. I will report it exactly the way I heard it.

It is fascinating how people in different times in history had a completely different understanding of the world. And yet they all thought that they knew the truth.

As we do.

But this revelation should alert us that at no time do we ever really know the truth. We only think we do.

In our time it is generally accepted that global warming exists, even after the frigid week that we just had, and that the burning of petrol causes it. Consequently, because most of us need petrol-burning vehicles to go about our everyday life, we carry this shame around like the Catholic doctrine of original sin; especially here in the suburbs where our environment is completely structured around the automobile.

But what if we have got it wrong?

It is true that everything we do has an effect on the whole world in some way. But history shows that the effect is not always what we think it is. In fact, often our actions have the opposite effect that we expected.

Consider the now clichéd apocalyptic charges against owners of the Sports Utility Vehicle (SUV). That by using so much gas they are to blame for global warming, thereby hastening the end of the world.

Deep in the earth below us there are layers of decomposed and compressed vegetable matter that we now call oil. What if this was a threat in a way that we have not yet foreseen? Imagine the ecological damage it could do if it were to be released naturally because of an earthquake or other seismic eruption?

The destruction of the oceans that would bring would make the current oil spill off the coast of Spain look like a coffee stain. And imagine hundreds of years in the future our progeny running in horror away from a huge black oozing mass spewing out from crevasses in the earth.

It could happen. And even if it doesn't, it's a great idea for a movie.

But if it does, future inhabitants of our planet will look back with regret at the folly of our age.

"What?" they will exclaim in disbelief, "Didn't they realize that the only hope they had to save the world was to burn off all the liquid oil as quickly as possible? Didn't they see that the real danger of oil was in its liquid form?

They were hypnotized by the phrase: global warming. So they put a stop to the only real hope we had of getting rid of all that oil the genius of the internal combustion engine. Their thinking was so primitive back then!"

Yes, the people of the future will know that the real heroes of our age are those very now-maligned SUV owners who are actually saving the world by burning off the oil twice as fast as anyone else.

They are the ones who are turning this toxic threat into a harmless gas that ascends into the atmosphere and eventually dissipates. OK, so the average temperature will rise a few degrees for a few hundred years.

But isn't that better than ending up neck deep in the black sludge of death?
 

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