Log Cabin Chronicles:

There's a word for it:

In the workplace, employees develop descriptive words and phrases that quickly enter the language, although they may be short-lived. Here's a sampling of what's hot today:

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively.

Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits all over everything, and then leaves.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Betamaxed: When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in "Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market."

Blowing your buffer: Losing your train of thought.

Cobweb: a WWW site that never changes.

Ego surfing: Scanning the Net, databases, print media, and so on, looking for references to one's own name.

Elvis year: The peak year of something's popularity-for example, Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993.

404: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message 7quot;404 Not Found," meaning the requested document couldn't be located. "Don't bother asking him, he's 404."

Generica: Fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in "we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was."

High dome: Egghead, scientist, Ph.D.

Meatspace: The physical world (as opposed to the virtual). Also "carbon community," "facetime." "F2F," and "RL"

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake.

Salmon day: Swimming upstream all day to get screwed in the end.

Siliwood: The coming convergence of movies, interactive TV, and computers; also "Hollywired."

Umfriend: Sexual relationship; "this is Dale, my ... um ...friend."

Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Squirt the Bird: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets.

Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists."

Sylvaware: Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Chips and Salsa: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

Good Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again.

Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.

Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.

Vulcan Nerve Pinch: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key, and the Power On key.

Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Space settings: Bookmarked URL's to share with friends and acquaintances.

Philtred coffee: Coffee which has been enhanced by the addition of some substance or chemical reputed to stimulate sexual arousal.

Philophlogistic relationship: A flaming-hot relationship.:

Forwarded by Robert Gervais:

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Copyright © 1997 John Mahoney/Log Cabin Chronicles/8.98